How to Face Fear without Fighting....

In a time when fear seems to rule over the world… when politicians take decisions based on our survival skills fight, flight, freeze or (be)friend, instead of using their common sense… it might be hard to deal with the darkness in your own live. The primary response for most of us is to use our own survival skills too and either fight, flight, freeze of (be)friend in situations when we feel too much tension or pain. But there is a different way… Facing fear without fighting starts with doing something really strange: Stop trying to Win.

Not necassarilly easier, but it is possible.

In the story below, I was inspired by Rumi’s story of the Monster. For me it is a perfect example of how we can bring a little bit of light into the Darkness, without trying to solve it immediately. That’s what our inner Moon shows us. Sometimes just BEING somewhere is the most important thing to DO.

The Story of a Monster

Not so long ago a group of men and women crossed a desert. Just to give their inner Adventurer some space to live. But the trip didn’t go the way they had planned. Sandstorms made they got lost. At a certain moment they even ran out of water and were desperately in search for a Well to refill their bottles.

That’s when they reached a place where they expected to find some water. On first sight it looked like an oasis. But instead they found only a hole going deep into the earth. They lowered bucket after bucket into this hole, but the rope each time came back empty…. no bucket and no water.

Get the water by force

Realizing some living creature had to be down there and knowing for sure that this beast was holding back their water…. They got really pissed off and decided one of them should go down to have a look… If necessary he or she would get that water by force.

First one of the bravest man of the group stepped forward. He had the courage to go and see whom was living in that hole and why the water had gone. But when they lowered him into the hole, he too disappeared. The end of the rope was empty when they got it up. Immediately another man stepped forward to go down and rescue his friend… But he too disappeared. And so did all the men that dared to step forward and go down the hole….

What is the best place on earth?

Than a woman stepped forward. She wanted to go down this hole too in search for water. Those men who were left tried to make her change her mind. She had seen what happened to the men that went down before her. It was too dangerous for a woman. But she persisted.

When she reached the bottom of the hole, she found herself face to face with a horrible monster. The wise woman thought to herself: “Ok, there probably won’t be hope for me to escape this place, but I can at least remain aware of everything I am experiencing here in the darkness. Not to judge it, but out of curiosity.”

The monster said to her: “I will let you go if only you answer my question.” The woman nodded: “Ask your question”.

“Where is the best place on earth to live? You guys have travelled a lot. You must know.” The monster looked at her with a mixture of anxiety and sadness, she saw in his eyes.

Wherever you feel home…

Before answering right away the wise woman thought to herself: “Even though he is a true monster, I don’t want to hurt his feelings. If I name some beautiful city, he might think I am disparaging his own hometown… Or maybe this hole is the best place he thinks to live. But if I lie to him and say this hole is the best place to live, he will sense that immediately and kill me like he did with the others…”

So to the monster she said: “The best place on earth to live is wherever you feel at home.” And in thoughts she added with empathy to that ‘even if it is a dark hole in the ground, where you must feel lonely so often’.

For a long time there was silence between the two of them. The monster clearly sensed what she hadn’t spoken out loud, but meant honestly.

Finally he said to her: “Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I will not only let you go, but I will also free those foolish men who came down before you to fight and try to conquer the darkness in here.

And I will release the water in this Well too….”

Rebalance ourselves, men and women

In my version of Rumi’s story a woman finally goes down in the dark hole. In other versions there are only men playing a role in the story. Adding a woman is not because “women are wiser than men.” Which is not always the case 😉

I added a woman, because for me then the meaning of this archetypal story becomes more clear. This story is about the strongest pattern that is in all stories of human life: the battle between good and evil. Often these stories are based on masculine values and masculine behaviour, which in the Western World we value most as being successful. That has nothing to do with being a man or a woman, but it is about what we value in life and how we think we need to deal with difficult, so called ‘dark’ circumstances. By only looking to these circumstances in a masculine way, we only come up with masculine solutions.

It is time to rebalance ourselves, both men and women…

A Moon story with Moon-logic

This story is what I call ‘a Moon story’. Our inner Moon is a different way of knowing and therefor a different way to approach situations: more reflective, receptive, timing-based, and relational to darkness. The men in the story go down with a solar strategy: conquest, force, certainty, control. That’s daylight logic applied to a dark-night situation.

Behaviour I see a lot of men and women do in our day-to-day world. In archetypal language said, they prefer to listen to their inner Sun and approach the problem in a masculine, result driven way: they go down and get that water. By fair means, of foul…. As a result the Well stays dry and the men even disappear…..

The woman brings Moon-logic to the situation. By connecting to her inner Moon she can see in the dark without turning darkness into an enemy. She chooses awareness over victory. That’s the first lunar signature: staying in contact with the unknown without collapsing into panic or aggression. In the narrative work we often link lunar consciousness to the rhythms and processes of the unconscious (waxing/waning, ebb/flow), rather than linear “solve it now” thinking.

Feminine side of Monsters

Another lunar moment in the story: the monster’s question is not “How do I conquer or suppress you?” but the far more feminine question “Where is home?”

We often approach ‘Monsters’ in our day-to-day life in a masculine manner. We assume ‘monsters’ want to conquer or suppress us, and there for the attack is the best defence…. But what if the ‘monsters’ around us in the world have a far more feminine side than we think… What if we would approach these monsters in a more feminine way….? So less Sun and more Moon when we deal with complex problems in our lives.

The Moon archetype is strongly tied to belonging, safety, and inner home. The place where the nervous system can soften enough for truth to appear. Her answer (“wherever you feel at home”) is lunar because it doesn’t rank places. It restores connection. And that connection releases the water of the Well.

The Danger of a Single-story

Our inner Moon is the archetype that downshifts survival responses when we meet the “monster” in our relationships, work or general in life. In the story, the group’s fear turns into anger, and anger turns into force. That’s a classic fight-response. The result: disappearance, exhaustion, tension and more fear.

The woman does something that looks simple but is advanced: she practices non-judging awareness in the hole. In narrative terms, she refuses to let the “monster” become a single-story villain. She notices anxiety and sadness in its eyes. That is Moon work: seeing the feelings beneath the mask. And once she sees that, her words land as truth, not technique.

The Moon archetype functions as a bridge

The Moon archetype is often the bridge between conscious and unconscious. Not full daylight clarity, but enough light to keep moving without lying to yourself. When you are able to connect to your inner Moon, it is easier to balance between the conscious behaviour and the unconsciousness. In Jung’s terms lunar consciousness “merges” and softens separateness rather than spotlighting the differences and therefore create polarisation.

Our own Moon teaches us rhythm. Darkness and being in the Dark is not a failure. It’s a phase. Your inner Well (of energy, success, inspiration, life, etc) is then in a “dark moon” or better said “new moon” phase. And therefor often unclear, frightening, easily demonized.

But the water of that Well, your Source of Success, is not reached by brightness. It’s reached by getting a relationship with the dark.

Visibility of your inner Moon

So your inner Moon is visible in three story-moves:

Descent without wanting to dominate: entering the underworld with respect for what lives there.
Reflective awareness: “I will remain aware” is moonlight. A soft illumination that doesn’t burn the scene.
Blessing the monster’s home: seeing the monster’s belonging need, not just its threat. This recognition releases the water of life.

That’s the Balance that touches you ànd the world around you. Not by defeating the dark, but by integrating it so something essential can start flowing again.

Do you want to know more about working with archetypes in general and/or the archetype Moon in particular? Read the follow blogs too

Are you curious to meet your inner Moon? Through the exercise ‘Meeting your own Inner Moon‘ you’ll go through the different steps of your inner Moon. You can do this exercise on your own and don’t need any extra information. Or join the Fantastic Friday Session on the 30th of January at 16:00 CET. We’ll dive deeper into our inner Moon. You can learn more about this Fantastic Friday Session in the agenda.

To be continued…

Frédérique te Dorsthorst – de Muij
Balanced Story

January 2026

How to Face Fear without Fighting….